The amount of clever lines in this show is overnumerousness.
The IT Crowd is one of the funniest and most well-written sitcoms to come out of the UK.
Channel Four / ©Channel Four/Courtesy Everett Collection
Pretty much every episode of this show is full of unforgettably funny quotes that make it a masterclass of writing comedy. Though this list was a challenge to narrow down, here are 40 quotes from The IT Crowd that are brilliant funny.
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!
40. Moss's Ringtone: "Message for me!"
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39. Douglas: "Stephanie's leaving." / Jen: "Definitely?" / Douglas: "No, Stephanie."
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This one is definitely brilliant.
38. Moss: "I said, 'Do you think you'd die if you drank wee?'"
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Jen wanted Moss to be normal at her dinner party, and he goes and asks one of the worst questions imaginable.
37. Douglas: "Anyway, enough about our balls!"
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This is pretty much how most guys wrap up a conversation.
36. Jen: "How can you two live like this?" / Moss: "How can you two…" / Roy: "Don't google the question, Moss!"
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Moss always takes things too literally, and they always lead to some hilariously memorable moments.
35. Douglas: "Sing, you canary!"
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Any line uttered by Matt Berry is a beautiful melody, and he delivered an intense symphony with this one.
34. Douglas: "Her sweet voice wakes a mighty tiger behind my fly!"
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Master of romance, right here.
33. Roy: "What happened to you?" / Moss: "I got co*ckney neck. I've been speaking too much co*ckney, and it done my bloody neck in."
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We've all heard of getting a sore throat from shouting too much, but never from speaking too much co*ckney.
32. Douglas: "Spacestar Ordering is based on the twin scientific principles of star-maths and wishy-thinking."
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Spaceology, ladies and gentlemen.
31. Moss: "Prepare to put mustard on those words, for you will soon be consuming them along with this slice of humble pie that comes direct from the oven of shame, set at gas mark 'egg on your face.'"
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I think Moss just ate his words right there on the spot.
30. Moss: "Look, I know that normally this would be very funny, but he's been under there too long for a reasonable explanation! If that woman looks down, she's going to assume he's a desk rabbit!" / Jen: "What's a desk rabbit?" / Moss: "I just made that up! But that's probably what they're gonna start to call people like Roy. But Roy's not a desk rabbit; he's my best friend, and unless you do something, it's just going to be you, me, and Tim Burton over there!"
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In this episode, Roy gets trapped underneath a female co-worker's desk, and Jen lets their goth officemate, Richmond, roam free. When Moss finds out everything, he hysterically sums up their predicament by coining the term desk rabbit and taking a clever jab at his ghoulish coworker.
29. Douglas: "I don't think I've ever looked in this drawer." (opens it) "Wow, a gun!"
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This is absolutely the worst thing Douglas could find in his desk drawer.
28. Jen: "OK. Moss, what did you have for breakfast this morning?" / Moss: "Smartie cereal." / Jen: "Oh my god, I didn't even know Smarties made a cereal." / Moss: "They don't. It's just Smarties in a bowl with milk."
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27. Jen: "The story of a young man trying to find his sexuality…Warning. Includes scenes of graphic hom*oeroticism." / Moss: "Augh, no! It's set in the '80s!"
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Apparently, '80s nostalgia didn't kick in yet.
26. Moss: "I'm in my happy place. I'm in my happy place. I'm in my happy place. I'm in my happy place. I'm in my happy place. I'm in my happy place."
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Don't worry, it's not what you think. It's just a man seeing his boss testing his electric sex pants in front of him.
25. Jen: "Mr. Reynholm, I don't need to remind you of the report that denounced Reynholm Industries as an institutionally sexist organization." / Douglas: "Now, hold on a minute, sugar-tit*!"
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Well, that argument fell apart fast.
24. Moss: "How dare you call my sexy wife a bitch?!"
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Moss really disappears into his character when playing Jen's husband. It's a good thing their kids Zenith and Quasar didn't see him slap Roy.
23. Douglas: "But I'm not aroused — it's only cars! God damn these electric sex pants!"
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22. Moss: "You'd best put seat belts on your ears, Roy, 'cause I'm about to take them for the ride of their lives!"
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21. Moss: "Excuse me, I am trying to concentrate over here! And will you watch your ruddy language?! My ears are not a toilet!"
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It's moments like these that make you think that Moss must've been the perfect student in school.
20. Jen: "Just say you're sorry and move on." / Roy: "I'm sorry for your loss. Move on."
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19. Jen: "With all due respect, John, I am the head of IT, and I have it on good authority that if you type 'Google' into Google, you can break the internet. So please, no one try it, even for a joke."
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At least she's trying to protect the internet.
18. Prime: "First rule of Street Countdown is that you really must try and tell as many people as possible about it. It's a rather fun game, and the more people we tell about it, the better."
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I honestly prefer this over Fight Club.
17. Negative One: "Well, what do you say? Or is you worried you is going to show yourself up in front of your girlfriend?" / Prime: "He's calling Roy your girlfriend. Within the walls of Eight Plus, that's a definite diss."
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You may be surprised to hear that the guy who plays Prime is now Wong in the Marvel Cinematic Universe — though it's still a shame we didn't get more of his mysteriously magnificent character on the show.
16. Roy: "Is this another one of your inventions?" / Moss: "Maybe." / Roy: "What was the last one? Oh yeah. A ladder…to help moths…escape from the bath. How is that useful?" / Moss: "How is that not useful?"
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Another genius unappreciated in his time.
15. Douglas: "You there, computer man. Fix my pants!" / Moss: "Beg your pardon?" / Douglas: "Pull down my trousers and do your job!"
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You should see how Moss stares at Douglas in this scene. His expression alone is enough to make you laugh uncontrollably.
14. Roy: "And he thinks that I am a window cleaner! A window cleaner!" / Jen: "What's wrong with that? It's a noble profession." / Roy: "If your last profession was cleaning balls!"
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Low blow, Roy.
13. Roy: "A fire?! At a Sea Parks?!"
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When Roy learns how his girlfriend's parents died, he can't wrap his head around how they could've died in a fire at Sea Parks. He ends up going down a rabbit hole of obsession in the style of Close Encounters, complete with him making a Sea Parks out of mashed potatoes. All in all, this is one of those questions that truly boggles the mind, but the way Roy utters this line is enough to make us all content.
12. Roy: "No, Jen, I'm sorry. But the Elders of the Internet would never stand for it."
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Of course, they wouldn't because they don't exist. When Jen is preparing for a speech to her company's shareholders, Roy and Moss decide to trick her into presenting a black box they claim contains the internet. Both men create a vast and intricate mythos surrounding the box, and it is just too brilliant.
11. Douglas: "There's somebody at the door. There's somebody at the door. There's somebody at the door."
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10. Mose: "What kind of operating system does it use?" / Police Officer: "It's…err...Vista." / Moss: "We're going to die!"
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9. Moss: "I don't want to do it! I feel trapped like a moth in a bath!"
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Moss needs more than a ladder to get out of this dilemma
8. Ad Narrator: "You wouldn't steal a handbag. You wouldn't steal a car. You wouldn't steal a baby. You wouldn't shoot a policeman. And then steal his helmet. You wouldn't go to the toilet in his helmet. And then send it to the policeman's grieving widow. And then steal it again! Downloading films is stealing. If you do it, you will face the consequences."
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7. Moss: "I got a gun! I got a ruddy gun! I got a ruddy gun! I got a flipping gun! I got a mother flipping gun! I got a mother flipping gun!"
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6. Douglas: "FATHER!"
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5. Moss: "I came here to drink milk and kick ass, and I've just finished my milk."
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4. Roy: "I'm disabled."
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When Roy decides to use a theatre's handicap restroom, he accidentally pulls the emergency alarm thinking it flushes the toilet. When the employees burst in to help him, he pretends to have a disability, repeatedly saying this indelible line. What Roy is doing is definitely wrong, but the way he says this line with a high-pitched voice makes it all too hilarious.
3. Jen: "They've turned me into one of them. I am one of them. That's why you need me. I am your conduit. I am your bridge. Ich bin ein nerd!"
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2. Moss: "I'll just put this over here with the rest…of the fire."
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This is pretty much how a guy in college solves his problems.
1. Roy: "Hello, IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again?"
