20 Subtle Signs That You're Stressed Out (2024)

Key points

• It's helpful for an individual to do a fine-grained and personalized analysis of the signs that indicate whenthey are stressed out.
• Be specific when identifying signs of stress.
• When noticing signs of stress, try self-care and self-compassion rather than saying, "Just do better."

How can you tell when stress is getting to you? Some folks will be aware of obvious signs. Perhaps:

• You have trouble getting to sleep or wake up very early.
• A health condition flares up.
• You notice you're irritable with other people.

However, your personal signs might be more idiosyncratic or subtle. It's helpful to do a more fine-grained and personalized analysis of the signs that indicate when you're stressed out.

Here, I'll offer a big list of specific examples to kickstart your own thinking and observations. Once you know your patterns, you'll need a "when-then" self-care plan. Decide, "When I notice __, then I'll do ___ ."

You may notice that many of these examples are signs your capacity to self-regulate in minor ways is tapped out. You'll behave in ways that perpetuate your stress (make it worse) because small amounts of self-regulation are more than you've got to give.

Signs of Stress

Expect you'll relate to some of these and not at all relate to others. As you read, consider grabbing a piece of paper and jotting down the numbers beside any that ring true for you.

1. You're forgetful—perhaps you don't make your list when you go shopping, or you leave your keys in your door after unlocking it.
2. A noise you could usually tune out bothers you and makes it hard to concentrate.
3. You don't take your daily medications or vitamins.
4. You choose to eat food that's very easy to consume, like potato chips, rather than food that requires cutting and chewing.
5. You put off tasks that would take under five minutes.
6. You double handle things—for example, you read an email that only needs a two-sentence reply, but you decide you'll reply later, or you open a check but put it in a pile to deal with later rather than e-depositing it straight away.
7. You endure physical discomfort unnecessarily, such as your heels are cracked, but instead of putting lotion on them, you put up with them hurting.
8. You avoid accessing customer service, such as, you would like to call to ask for your internet bill to be lowered, but making the call feels like too much. Or, you don't return an item that's the wrong fit and keep it regardless.
9. Fun does not seem fun; playing a game with your child, for instance, feels like a hassle.
10. Your refrigerator ends up full of expired items or fruits and vegetables that have gone bad because you didn't get around to eating them.
11. You feel jumpier—perhaps when driving, cars changing lanes around you feels anxiety-provoking.
12. Cognitive tasks, like judging distance when crossing the road, seem to take more energy than usual.
13. You're disorganized—for instance, you almost run out of gas, or you're inefficient in the ways you run errands.
14. You buy food that's easy to consume (e.g., ice cream) and plan to consume a regular portion, but eat more than you planned.
15. You put off committing to plans for no good reason.
16. You feel slighted or misunderstood much more easily than usual. You personalize events and interactions more.
17. You act against your values—e.g., throwing a recyclable container in the garbage because you can't be bothered washing it out.
18. You use self-criticism to try to motivate yourself to do better.
19. You have a strong urge to reduce overstimulation; perhaps you dream of spending a day in bed watching TV with the curtains closed.
20. Even when other people try to support you, it feels like they never get it right enough. You still feel slightly irritated, even when people's intentions are good.

Tips

• When you identify your own signs of stress, be specific. For example, don't just note "being forgetful." Rather, identify your most common examples of that.
• Try self-care and self-compassion when you notice your signs. "Just do better" is not a self-care plan.
• Part of self-compassion is recognizing you're not alone in experiencing these signs of stress. Don't beat up on yourself. It's not what will help.

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